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Poetry by TheImpossibleWriter

Literature by Katragoness

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Submitted on
October 14, 2012
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Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Beauty rose out of that silent sea,
Her eyes were tepid with wild thunder,
And then she turned and looked at me.
Me; a meagre man who knew no lady fair,
Nor one of care as she snaps my heart asunder.

Beauty flew up to that sinister sky,
Her lips were dark with mad desire,
And then she turned and started to cry.
Cry; a crude curse who knew no mortal smile,
Nor one so vile as she scars my aura in fire.  

Beauty stood up on that scarlet skin,
Her locks were rouge with quiet rain,
And then she turned and walked on sin.
Sin; a sordid spirit who knew no lover true,
Nor one in clue as she saves me from my pain.
A poem about how sometimes beauty isn't perfect. Some people who are beautiful (in an old traditional sort of sense) can be cruel and lack the actual knowledge of kindness. But nothing is black and white as people are ambigous. No one is born bad or good, ugly or beautiful. That's why I've tried to leave a sort of ambiguity to beauty.
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I'm never very good at these, but the vocabulary and the description in this piece is absolutely stunning. "Me; a meagre man who knew no lady fair, Nor one of care as she snaps my heart asunder." This, I think, is the line that made me fall in love. It grips you and drags you into the story, into the protagonist's eyes and you feel what he feels. "Beauty flew up to that sinister sky, Her lips were dark with mad desire." We can all relate to this type of beauty as artists, I think, because it is that dark, unattainable force we always fear to grasp because we know if we do we will be burned. The author describes the woman in this way that evokes memories of lovers past from me that I should certainly have avoided like the plague.

The rhyme scheme itself is also beautiful. I often prefer free verse because I find rhyme schemes tired and often forced when they are not applied properly, but it flows in a way that is fixed and poetic yet still highly evocative and powerful, yet not overpowering the whole piece.

Poetry is often difficult (at least, for me) because the themes of poetry are often fixed on only a few general ideas that are later expanded on - dark emotions, romance, nature, and negative life experience. The things that evoke the most powerful feelings from us. NemoX7 takes these themes and twists them not necessarily in a new light, but in a beautiful perspective that puts an old technique into a gorgeous form and sets the reader on fire with passion.

All together, "Beauty" is a terribly marvellous poem that speaks entirely for itself.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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30SecondsToTheEdge Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi there! Hi!
I'm here on behalf of :iconfriendly-features:

Your work has been featured in this week's Feature Showcase!
Have a nice day! :D (Big Grin)
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013   Writer
Oh, why thank you. It's an old poem, but I'm happy it's been shown such affection. I deeply appreciate being featured. I hope you have a nice day too! :D
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
very nice
ChildoftheBeat Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
This is beautiful, lyrical and terrible :love:

I love the juxtaposition of tepid eyes / eyes with wild thunder, it is one or the other and yet both, too... The other lines I love the critiquer has already picked up - the imagery in this is highly effective.

And yes, I know exactly the type of woman you mean - I usually run a mile, I really don't need this sort of person in my life, although I can see the temptation could be strong ;p

The only criticism is with the flow in two places (or two lines to be exact, the rest flows well):

"And then she turned and started to cry."


'And then she turned, started to cry' ?

The second is with:

"Nor one so vile as she scars my aura in fire."

I guess it's the last three words that niggle for me, the line needs one less word /syllable - am struggling to see how to fix it though - Maybe:

'Nor one so vile, she scars my aura with fire'

I realise it changes the sense somewhat, so maybe not...

Or maybe just add a comma:

'Nor one so vile, as she scars my aura in fire.'

I think that works well, but these things are subjective ;p

Lastly, likewise, I think two lines are a little long, and could do with being broken up with a comma to improve the flow (I'm writing the versions below with the comma in already):

'Nor one of care, as she snaps my heart asunder."


'Nor one in clue, as she saves me from my pain.'

Other than that, I would not change one word, add or remove anything, it's beautiful as it is :heart: Thank you for the wonderful poem! :)
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely. Well written and so true.
Mierren Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
nice one! this is truly brilliant.
Bemari Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012
Great poem with good rhyming.
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