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My first vain attempt at songwriting. I'm as ignorant as can be on this matter. It's still in the vein of a poem. As you can see it's hard to break out of my formula.

Feel frustrated more or less with this. Took me a few hours. Well, I did have other personal matters on my mind whilst writing.

I was listening to Slipknot as I wrote this.

If you are to write a critique please bear in mind, that I'm a complete amateur, so I do get things wrong.
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pianokeys457's avatar
Very nice! Im afraid I can't really give a good critique, because I dont look at too many songs, but I'll give it a go.

I can hear someone singing this in my head, with a very loud, rock type style. His voice is really full of feeling, and the words are sung with raw emotion. This is good, very good. Also a positive, your imagery. Personally, it seems just a bit to graphic, but thats just me, and constructive critisicm is for helping future attempts, so im saying you should always try to achieve this level of imagery, or higher, in future projects. c: The negative: I don't have much, but your song also seems a bit...plain. Like I said, i don't really look at song lyrics too much, but you only alternate between choruses and verses. Maybe next time, you can try a little more.

..did I help? xD