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Literature
Time
Tick-tock goes the clock
I'm lost in time
May I find my way
Embrace my cursed past
Literature
Where You Are
This body
may not currently reside beside yours,
it may not know
the comfort
of your warm skin's touch
beneath the blanket,
it may not yet have discovered
the grace
of your constant company,
but it can sense
that it has found its other half
in you;
I am always there with you,
even when
I am only dreaming
of being where you are.
When these arms
find their home
curled 'round your waist
and these hands
work a gentle caress
along your back,
there is no denying
that urgent sense,
that undeniable understanding
that this is right,
that you are made for me,
I am made for you
and when we are together
with your hair
dripping down my cheeks
and our for
Literature
Worth
You don't have the right
To tell me how much I'm worth
Constantly bringing me down
With a few simple words
You throw them at me
Like it's nothing
But it feels
Like everything
Everything I've ever done wrong
Trapped between two words
I try to prove you wrong
I try to be worth something
I try and I try
But it's never enough
I try and I try
But you never change
You brawl behind words
That I've learned to shield
But when it comes down to it
You're the one hiding
And I'm the one fighting
One day I'll be free
And then you'll know
That you had no right
To label me worthless
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Finally managed to break the stalemate of my writer's block. This is something I started on my phone and completed on my laptop. I as usually wrote what came into my head and fiddled around until it made sense to me. It's basically about a blind man who's getting his future read to him. The "Forgotten Nightmare" of a past relationship gone sour and his wishes to learn if his future will be rid of the memories of this lover who previously caused him torment.
It was an annoyance to write. Trying to make sure verses in the present linked in with those in the past (in regards to what the blind man remembered of his ex-lover).
Comments15
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Overall
Vision Originality
Technique ImpactA personal tradition of mine is to go by each category backwards. As well as add other insights
Impact: Very profound and promotes a lasting effect. For me it was going back to reread this a few more times before writing the review. It reminds me of Macbeth and his dealings with the ugly sisters. The uncertainty of a pleasant future as well as emptiness and sorrow from lost are thematic concepts that are demonstrated well in this piece.
Technique: The stanzas are short, but not choppy. This structure allows the poem to flow better. Not rhythmically but flow nonetheless. The only thing that slows this pace down is vocabulary. Some of these words I admit I had to look up because I haven't used or heard them in a long time. Others I was completely ignorant. Do not get me wrong the vocab helped conveyed the concepts in the poem well, despite their unconventional uses. I cant tell you how many poems I have read where the writer seemed to have opened a dictionary, closed his eyes, and pointed to a fancy sounding word and figured "Hey that'll make my poem sound deep." Advanced vocabulary is a powerful thing. Too much and you have readers trying to to play Nicolas Cage and try to decode the whole thing. Too little and people will zip pass a stanza because they feel like they already understand it. Although I liked the wording I'll have to say that this leans towards the former. If you don't care about the audience and want to use the perfect words to describe your ideals then go ahead. The reader will simply have to make an effort to reread and contemplate like you clearly have done for this poem.
Originality: This is not for the concept itself. A man questioning his future or trying to forget a past lover. You will find almost 20 poetry deviations that focus on this topic every hour. The originality is how it is expressed. I cannot remember any poet that has tackled the subject in the same way that you have.
Vision: Have you had a clear vision set for this poem? Yes. A man questioning wither or not his future will be as cold, empty, and sad as his present. Is it well executed? Yes through the wording, the spacing of stanzas, the imagery and figurative language layered thought. That is all I have to say on the subject. Don't feel that you have to explain yourself in the description. Many poets who have their work studied decades after they have died have never had to explain their poetry to everyone. I hope that you keep refining this talent that you have. This poem is great but is not perfect. Happy New Year and I hope hear more from you.