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It's all unjust. It's all unfair,
Why does anyone give a care?
Whether life is cruel or kind,
I reserve the right to laugh than die,
But I'll never surrender to these tears I cry.

It's all untrue. It's all unbearable,
Why are these thoughts in me so horrible?
Whether death is clairvoyant or blind,
I deserve the dignity to question my time,
But I'll never surrender to these words I rhyme.
This is meant to be like this. So please don't say to me that it needs more. I wrote this as a quick-fire poem that is meant to be a one off.
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Your poem challenges a lot of ideals set forth by society. For example, the population of this world generally deems it sick and twisted to laugh at something that is considered morbid. I like that you mentioned this idea in your fourth line of your first stanza. The entire poem seems to embody this one phrase as it practically satires the society we all reside in.
Your poem also hold a very true example of integrity in ones character. Your piece brings about a strong sense of inner fortitude and makes your audience believe that no matter what may come, you WILL always stand true to yourself and your ideals.
Overall, your piece was very well worded and structured strongly. It did not have giant wholes where the rhythm fell through and it was not overly repetitive at all. It seemed very stream of consciousness; As if you stated one idea and then moved to the next. It added a very carefree and reluctant voice to the poem. As your speaker delved into his own thoughts in the second stanza, I actually felt myself sympathizing with them. You managed to sound very human in this. Good job and always keep writing.
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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MissSheppard Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice poem, I really like it. :)
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student General Artist
I actually really like this. It has such an organic rhythm. Very very cool. You ask a lot o really good questions in this poem, and you challenge a lot. I LOVE it! it's so rebellious, yet so beautiful. You deserve a standing ovation.
Rapunzel13 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Student General Artist
Very well written.
SonicAngel15 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Student General Artist
Well said, Nemo.
Riarri Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's a very well-written poem, and expresses your emotions clearly. It flows nicely, and though the length, as you said, is quite short, the point comes across.
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012   Writer
Thanks glad you managed to get what I was aiming for. Sometimes a small poem ca express emotions without becoming bogged down by too many fancifu words.
Riarri Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That itself is very true.
Bemari Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012
Well written poem.
ERaven77 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think it is very well worded poem. Nicely done.
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Submitted on
August 23, 2012
File Size
532 bytes


16 (who?)


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