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Literature
My secret
Let me tell you a secret
So listen carefully...
If you
if you take my hand
but let me lead
If you
If you would just trust me
when I say I'm not like them
If you
If you show me mercy
by wiping the tears of my cheeks when I'm sad
If you
If you let me feel home, safe and protected
just hug me tight and never let go
If you
If you would just have faith in me
Then I promise you one thing
I promise you will never ever have to be alone again
I promise you that love...
Literature
Should Have Known
Should have known
You should have has a clue
When I wiped a tear
Closed my book
The knife already pocketed
Should have known
You should have guessed
No one spends half an hour in a bathroom
With a blade
Without something wrong
Should have known
You should have called
Maybe you would have stopped me
I wouldnt have bled out
No one would read this
Should have known
You could have saved me
Maybe I'd be locked away
But alive
You could have saved me.
Literature
Forever Never Liked Me Anyway
I have so many words I want to say
But the problem is I don't know who I want to say them to
I don't know how to stop this
How to make my stomach ache go away
How do I make myself care enough all the time
How do I fix everything and make you want to stay
Can't you see what this is doing to me
Can't you see that this isn't who I want to be
Should I fall off of this mountain
Should I trip and fly through open air
Plummeting into hell without any cares
How about I go drown in the fountain of life, because it's too late for me
I became a shape shifter inside
I lie with my smiles when you can't tell they're fake
Sometimes I don't even know
I'm
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This is meant to be like this. So please don't say to me that it needs more. I wrote this as a quick-fire poem that is meant to be a one off.
Comments10
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Your poem challenges a lot of ideals set forth by society. For example, the population of this world generally deems it sick and twisted to laugh at something that is considered morbid. I like that you mentioned this idea in your fourth line of your first stanza. The entire poem seems to embody this one phrase as it practically satires the society we all reside in.
Your poem also hold a very true example of integrity in ones character. Your piece brings about a strong sense of inner fortitude and makes your audience believe that no matter what may come, you WILL always stand true to yourself and your ideals.
Overall, your piece was very well worded and structured strongly. It did not have giant wholes where the rhythm fell through and it was not overly repetitive at all. It seemed very stream of consciousness; As if you stated one idea and then moved to the next. It added a very carefree and reluctant voice to the poem. As your speaker delved into his own thoughts in the second stanza, I actually felt myself sympathizing with them. You managed to sound very human in this. Good job and always keep writing.