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Literature
Avalon
Avalon
Disaster struck upon the Earth
Chaos spread like a wildfire
And the humanity split
Turning on one another
Soon nothing was left but the bare dust of the burned
The virus spread and killed everyone
And in time the dead came back to life
Hunting the living and punishing them for their sins
The Armageddon came and we couldn't escape
The world fell in to the dust of destruction
With each day the living decay as the dead arise
With each moment the remains of humanity fade
The sun blazes over the dying lands
The dry rivers and burned fields
Only the road keeps on going forever
Only the road keeps us alive
We move from
Literature
Masquerade
She glides into the room,
Her crimson dress flowing.
Body engulfed in a sweet perfume,
Only half of her face showing.
The candles flicker,
Bowing down as she passes.
Heartbeats become quicker,
Every man's affection she amasses.
Her discomfort begins to tell,
For she is not all that she seems.
To herself she has said farewell,
Haunted by the world of dreams.
Behind the mask lies the pain,
The sharp feeling of regret.
Her composure she must maintain,
Try to forgive and forget.
Literature
Endless Lake
Dip your toes in the icy depths of poetry
let it sting with it's truth
start to comfort you with it's twisting metaphors
I have yet to leave this serene lake of words
Ripples turning into voices
spoken with enough force to push me under
make me gasp for breath as the lines finish
Poetry becomes us
becomes love and hate
understanding
souls holding on to anything that's left
My hands glide across the water
feeling it's pulse
the beat of a heart romanticizing and utilizing the words
we have learned to make
Fading into an ever-lasting tremor
the tremble you hear when emotion becomes too much
Waiting in the pause
silence before
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New poem I wrote. Basically 'paradigm' is a fancy name for puzzle. So it's about how infinite the universe is, how everything within it is puzzling.
Comments18
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Overall
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Technique ImpactThanks for inviting me to critique yet another one of your poems <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>I apologize about the lack of great timing on getting back to you... hectic life plus over 30 critique requests = slow response. But I always promise to get to everyone's poems <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Big Grin)"/>I must say that this poem was powerful and tastefully executed. Th diction was very improved upon, and the metaphors found within the poem (which is another big metaphor) where ingenious. Your lines within the stanzas created the reader to pause and reflect upon what they just read.
I absolutely loved your alliteration and consanace you contained within your poem. It can be rather cumbersome to have alliteration/consance within a poem and still have it flow nicely, and your ideas connect.
There is only one improvement I would suggest, it is the use of a topic that is more easily grasped for the readers. However, this is more of a tale or warning so it is much more difficult to tie in such content with this that readrs can connect with.
All in all it was a decent poem, However, the impact wasn't quiet as strong as your first poem that I critiqued. Dwell on that a little yes?
Thanks again! Keep on writting <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" title=" (Smile)"/>May the odds be ever in your favor.
-LuvThemHungerGames