HopeWhat would you do,
When it's all over?
Would you stand up,
Straight as mountains old,
And shrug your shoulders?
It might be;
Your final end.
But would it be worse,
If you had waited?
How could you have known,
This was it?
Would you have just stood,
Back like rivers bold,
And watched it's demise?
Like pariah zealots above,
Gazing down from,
Black flower skies?
Why should you,
Have thought to reconsider?
Would you have just given up,
And let minute things,
Slip by and slide away?
Was it to be your own idiocy?
Or breath of ignorance,
Destroying the fragile dark,
From the mighty light;
This very day?
What was it that made you,
Stay here to breathe?
Was it that inky niggle in,
The chaos of your mind,
And that instinct within,
To just carry on and cope?
Most would declare that,
You are an angel,
But some say without
Courage: there is only hope.
The Girl In A TeardropThere sits a shattered girl,
Imprisoned in her tormented tears,
Wishing she had not wasted her youthful years,
Looking for her one true pearl,
Who never showed his flawless face.
There weeps a sad girl,
Reflecting her mask in the mirror,
Seeing her self becoming thinner and thinner,
And now she sees the echoes of her age,
Guiding her back from her heartbroken mind.
There breathes a sorrowful girl,
Staring out of her sweet nectar sobs,
Hoping to escape from her self-infliction,
But what is out there for her to find?
Except a dawn of despair and dereliction.
BeautyBeauty rose out of that silent sea,
Her eyes were tepid with wild thunder,
And then she turned and looked at me.
Me; a meagre man who knew no lady fair,
Nor one of care as she snaps my heart asunder.
Beauty flew up to that sinister sky,
Her lips were dark with mad desire,
And then she turned and started to cry.
Cry; a crude curse who knew no mortal smile,
Nor one so vile as she scars my aura in fire.
Beauty stood up on that scarlet skin,
Her locks were rouge with quiet rain,
And then she turned and walked on sin.
Sin; a sordid spirit who knew no lover true,
Nor one in clue as she saves me from my pain.
The Pain WithinLet go of your hate,
Your revenge can wait.
Whoever did you wrong,
Can never know the hurt,
That made you strong.
You know it's a part,
Of you're aching heart.
Whoever broke your smile,
Can never understand the pain,
That turned you vile.
Don't give up on love,
Though you'll feel rough.
Whoever killed your hope,
Can never believe the longing,
That more you cope.
Isolated In SilenceLet that scarlet sound,
Take you away,
To enjoy life another day.
Drum beats reverberate all around,
As your feelings of sorrow start to sway.
Let that noire noise,
Turn you off,
To hear life through cloth.
Cymbal clashes echo like a voice,
As your thoughts of worry weaken your worth.
Let that sapphire silence,
Twist your arm,
To view life without violence.
Nothing speaks but your inner charm,
As your dreams of simple sin makes no sense.
The Black RoseIn between such delicate fingertips;
She holds the blackest of roses,
And the dark petals brush her lips.
Her sombre shadow across her face,
Describes the bleakest of life's loses.
Such sweet scent floating in the air;
She breathes in the aroma of the black rose,
That scarlet stem entwines in her raven hair.
Her enchanting eyes are but a glaze,
Those wells of happiness have all but froze.
Thorns of iron dig into her soft skin;
She screams from the pain of that bloody rose,
With it's intoxication of simplistic sin.
Her haunting presence brings haste,
To a silence of a death nearing close.
Let The World BurnIn my anger I scream,
And then I cry out in rage,
As I read your hate on this page.
You were the girl of my dream,
But now I'll just let the world burn.
In my despair I howl,
And then I weep for eternity,
As I miss you now because of pity.
You were the girl who had a soul,
But now I'll just let the world burn.
In my mind I smile,
And then I sob tears of fear,
As I remember what you did that year.
You were the girl I'd follow for many miles,
But now I'll just let the world burn.
Negative ViolationYou take away my pleasure,
You take away my pain,
You stick a stainless blade in deep.
To take the greatest of honesty's treasure,
And never will we hear my beating heart again.
But you lack the guts to understand,
Misery or malice from my point of view.
You take away the most important thing,
That by rights is not even yours,
So here. Right now. You grasp death in a dire hand.
You take away my life,
You take away my love,
You smile a soulless tear to weep.
To strike with the brightest of treachery's knife,
And never will they see my haunting angel dove.
But you fake the cuts to manipulate,
Sin or sorrow from my mind without a clue.
You take away the most important thing,
That by rights should be ours,
So here. Right now. You clutch fear in a fatal state.
You take away my hope,
You take away my hunger,
You sing a skinless melody of sleep.
To choke with the strongest of mortality's rope,
And never will you feel my raging vocal anger.
NightmareSubmit yourself to a subliminal sleep,
When all in your mind's eternal eye,
Wakes to trident tears that do not weep.
Ride the winds that whisper in your ear,
Listen to them as your nightmare draws near.
Chaos reigns in that conscience chasm,
Where all but your breath's silent sigh,
Strikes to void voices that begin to spasm.
Sail the waves that wail in your dreams,
Cower from them as your nightmare screams.
Relinquish sanity to your realm of reality,
While all in your throat's cherubic cry,
Motions to sick soliloquies that end morality.
Cross the wastes that wallows in your fiction,
Suffer in them as your nightmare burns friction.
Useless wishes and butterfly kissesThe sun sets over our heads,
The birds sing out the close of the day.
Usually I would have admired this display
But not today.
My eyes are filled with tears of useless wishes,
And your lips are filled with whispers of goodbye and butterfly kisses.
I try to make up for all the days I forgot to say
I love you.
Your eye lids close slowly,
Those things I used to be mad at you about,
Seem so small and stupid now.
I clasp on to your hands,
Willing for you to live
And see more stunning days like this.
You squeeze my hand ever so slightly,
As the life drains from your face,
Flowing out from your body.
As the sun sets over your life,
The birds sing out their goodbyes.
And all I can do is stop and stare hopelessly at this display,
You left me today.
april 18th, 2012.therapy:
"I'm not an artist. I'm just a kid with a keyboard."
“And, y'know, I’m probably not really sick.”
“I read a lot of books. I probably just act like this because I saw it somewhere on the Internet.”
“I just want to be more like my dad.”
“I’m really just a pathological crybaby who wants attention,” I tell you.
You say, “I think there are better ways to get attention than fake a mental disorder.”
“Maybe I’m doing it for fun.”
The problem isn’t that I need to see a therapist.
The problem is that I need to see a therapist because I dream about slamming your head into a tree.
Right after we broke up, you took me to the bike cage and promised me everything would be okay. Then you got together with that fifteen year old from Michigan and told our friends that I was a freak.
Slamming your head into a tree might be painful, but nothing will ever hurt more than kn
AimlessSpring forgot how to begin anew,
so Winter stole her amnesic heart and tossed it to the wolves.
"Devour me," the stars seemed to beg;
so Gravity plunged them into the ocean's nebulous depths.
These lips no longer offer hymns up to fallen gods—
so Fate sacrificed herself for the chance to be reborn.
SenescenceYou were young and walked the world
That burns on the other side of time.
A few pictures make their way here
Every now and then.
But old is old and it comes like a mudslide
Impossible to stop and inexorable
Like a rickety typhoon of pills and orthopedic shoes.
And now you're old and on this side.
And all your summer dreams of gold
Are buried deep in the white of winter
And mounded over, with mud
Frozen underneath them.
But the sky is very blue here now
Do you see a cloud? spy a storm?
No, only blue and blue and blue
And of course the white.
Witch OilThere's magma boiling in her frostbitten veins;
incandescent pixie dust and
sluggishly making its way through
a childish heart — wishing for one last chance
to spread her wings and soar to
carouselwe laughed like children high on m&ms,
danced like we were carousel horses,
and jump-roped our way through obstacle courses.
I saved our footsteps in mason jars,
in case we ever needed to follow yellow brick roads
to get home.
home was an illusion:
honesty without truth,
apologies without forgiveness,
I kept home sandwiched between
"never" and "have to."
caroline, they'd say. caroline,
stop being such a dreamer. stop taking
us for granted.
I packed every apology possible
into my breath, left runaway plans lingering
in the silence between family.
when I found you dancing in the street,
I listened for merry-go-round music.
I tried to take you with me, I'm sorry.
instead I left you breathless,
left you safe, left without you.
I took our footsteps, just in case I
ever needed a way back home.
sometimes, I wonder if I left you
without a safety net.
40810If only you were soulless.
If you were mindless, blind,
you and I could make a beautiful disaster.
The press would write of our brief affair;
they'd paint me (the woman in red) as pathetic.
They will not consider how I need your love
or how it pains me so deeply to throw myself at you.
I will not be remembered as a poet warrior.
I'll be the eternal survivor no more.
All who think of me will shake their bowed heads
and tearfully remark;
If only you were soulless.
If you were mindless, blind,
You wouldn't have been such a bloody disaster.
Aphrodite's DissertationThe sound of catamarans upon the foam,
the march of cavalry and weary knights
who lay their bodies down are coming home
to linens drying like a hundred kites;
if not for love, what force are sword and chain
that they may honor empires with their call,
if not for me, they all have died in vain
and made of Troy the laughingstock for all.
Indeed, your chamois shirts and littered socks,
the tender cartilage of tambourines,
unfinished wine, and little jew'llery box,
and dual hemispheres of nectarines
belong to me alone in my design:
the air you breathe, your everything, is mine.
the tattoo artist.she finds gems hidden underneath my skin and
rips them out with her teeth, the sores
along my arms swelling with pride and red; never
has she wondered if the pain would make me
grit my teeth into powder—no, she knows
i take it like a man takes steak:
raw and tough and bloody, like my fingers
after picking scabs to let some fresh air in; her
words are etched on the point of a needle, and she
is a tattoo artist drilling ink into my body, her lines
thick with moxie: "alive" splayed out across
my wrist, "awake" above my heart—she paints
a vision on my eyelids of an endless sky and
tells me it doesn't belong to me, but that i
can have it; perhaps foolishly,
i believe her every word
House of MirrorsThey say I spin
a web of lies,
but webs are for spiders.
They catch their flies.
No, my lies are mirrors,
each a different reflection.
They fill up my house,
my sinful collection.
Sometimes I get lost.
There's so much confusion.
Which ones are real?
Which are illusions?
I try to back track,
but the mirrors turn me around.
I cry out for help,
but the mirrors block the sound.
I give up.
Hang another mirror.
In this one I'm cruel and cold
on the exterior.
How many reflections
will I become?
Which one is real?
Where have I gone?
Never ThereNever There
They never knew, they never cared
Never felt when you were scared
Never there to hold your hand
And never there to guide your dreams
Ever oblivious to your intentions
Captivated by their own delusions
Pained by their mental intrusions
Buried at the bottom of a bottle
Never there when you’re alone
Not a single place to call your home
Their fights are all you’ve ever known
Of what parenting can be
MasqueradeShe glides into the room,
Her crimson dress flowing.
Body engulfed in a sweet perfume,
Only half of her face showing.
The candles flicker,
Bowing down as she passes.
Heartbeats become quicker,
Every man's affection she amasses.
Her discomfort begins to tell,
For she is not all that she seems.
To herself she has said farewell,
Haunted by the world of dreams.
Behind the mask lies the pain,
The sharp feeling of regret.
Her composure she must maintain,
Try to forgive and forget.
Darkened eyes betray the lengthened nights
A pale face portrays tortured dreams
A fractured image
Tearing at the seams
Left alone in the darkness
Yet very much aware
Twisting and turning
It won’t shut down
It plagues the waking hours
And haunts the sleepless nights
No matter how many pills are taken
The feeling is never shaken
The mind is left forsaken
TriggerBetrayal and derision
Were the bullets in your gun,
And you shot with the skill and precision
Of a seasoned marksman.
But just as I was expiring
on the edge of existence,
You decided that the sea
Would not carry me
Off to a diluted heaven.
You brought me back,
Back in the lonely tower,
Where you fed me lies, coated in sugary syllables,
Pretending they were medicine.
You rubbed salt in to my wounds as you stitched them shut.
I needed rest.
While I slept,
You blocked off paths
that might have led to another's hospitality.
Demons were outside the window.
They watched as I suffered,
Hoping I would die.
But I could not.
You sometimes check my vital signs.
I am held together,
But never whole.
You never could remove that one last bullet,
Can't heal the hole in my heart.
Between Heaven and HellEveryone has a story to tell
The time and place the falls from grace.
We all walk at our own pace
forever attempting to win the illusionary race.
So I took the time, to sit and rewind....
granted pause to the cause, reflections of the mind.
Years upon years slowly drifted on by...
Journeys left behind slumbering alongside the road of unknown,
collecting dirt and debris, anxiously awaiting to be set free,
but could not flee...no one to save me and turn the key.
Everything has a time and a place within the enchanted space.
A story to tell of heaven and hell...
Realise this upon states of bliss,
In the beginning we all fell--in the end we all shall fall.
Can no longer ignore the ancient call.
Don't eat the leaves.The tree of your lifetime blows in the winds.
Leaves falling,your memories landing in my hands.
I can feel your vitality pulsing in their thick veins.
I consume the greenery, only part that remains.
The need to relive all thoughts that you hid.
To bitter in flavor, as the act that you did.
Your memories don't hold any pictures of me.
Just close your eyes,to myself I did plea.
I should have spit out all that's been exposed.
Too late, your poison has taken its toll.
SilenceAll I want is the words from your lips,
though I don't know how they'll come out.
Will you scream and shout,
or whisper in my ear.
I want to know,
I need to know.
Are the feelings returned.
Or will I be scorned from the words.
falling so fast.
Will you save me,
or leave me in the past.
The silence goes on,
and I have my answer.
I see it in your eyes,
the way your lips quiver,
afraid to tell me.
But I already know.
The answer is no.
I stop falling, I've hit the ground.
No longer can I hear her voice,
no longer can I hear her sound.
WORDLESS WORDSThe writer attempts to write
Describing the indescribable
Limiting the limitless
Naming the nameless
A thousand lines of ink
Written a thousand ways
Cannot describe love
The abstract emptiness
The beauty of colour
The sorrow of loneliness
Burn every book
Destroy every line
An alphabet of ashes
Meaningless is knowledge
Worthless are words
Reading what is written
In ignorance remain
The subtle reality
Beyond all language