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Literature
for she is a sinner
Angels eat her alive,
the way she deserves:
molting downy feathers
in a hermetic esophagus—
like her lungs,
pooled with words
untouched
in stillness.
She is choked by halos,
and expecting expansions
spanning clouds and Niles
of rosemary tears;
( yet no ocean cried,
and no tsunami felt,
will rid the torture justified
in each holy touch upon
soiled cheeks: wet Liar’s runoff.
It falls so easily down her throat,
to drown more words. )
and she almost warns them
to stay away: She is filth.
but they lovingly caress
and they carefully sink
their glittering pearls into her
calling husk…
just the way she deserves.
Literature
reincarnation
I am the child
I am the mother,
so much younger
and overflowing
You are the child
pushed from my body,
so much older
and suckling me
I see my death in
your unquestioning eyes,
rocking you gently
in the aftermath
I feel you enter
my unfettered soul
and I in turn
hear you crying for me
I am the cradle
that sways you still
assuring,
setting the stage-
To live again
as your offspring
while you bide time
till I am of age
Literature
Dreams of an Angel
I.
"what do angels dream about?" Lindsay asked
I thought for a minute
"they dream to live like us."
"then why did Rachel want to die?"
"goodnight" I said, and turned out the light
Rachel used to sing to the birds
she said sometimes they just wanted someone to show they cared
and she serenaded them
until she was sure they felt important
II.
in the car, Lindsay broke down
the black veil she wore seemed to be more
than an article of mourning
"why do they make child-size coffins?"
"Lindsay—"
"did you see her?
even dead, her spindly fingers reached out
but… I couldn't grab her…"
I held her ha
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A poem I wrote after learning about a painting called The Wounded Angel. Basically I tried to write a story but in poetry form. It's harder than it looks.
This is my 599th poem.
This is my 599th poem.
Comments27
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactYes <3 Just yes. I can picture this perfectly, the imagery all the way through is perfect, the writing scheme and rhymes all fit ^^" Which is quite well done for such a huge piece.
I personally think your writing style's a slight cop-out. Purely because of how one line doesn't have to rhyme at all XD Sorry. So I'm not giving you all of them for critique ^^"
Impact's really high, because I genuinely felt sorry for this poor creature, cast out and alone... <3 And I loved how it told it from a third person point of view, and at the end. It made me picture an old man telling it in a bar to some newcomer looking for the fallen angel, being told of the legends. "You may seek her, but you shall not" ... I loved that line.
SO MUCH <3 Like, I want to have children with it.
Originality is low because of how many times this tale has been told over and over and over.... Type in "Fallen angel" to the browser bar, go on popular, all time, and tell me there's not a million deviations ._. I dare ya. But I liked it <3