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Submitted on
February 4, 2012
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In between such delicate fingertips;
She holds the blackest of roses,
And the dark petals brush her lips.
Her sombre shadow across her face,
Describes the bleakest of life's loses.

Such sweet scent floating in the air;
She breathes in the aroma of the black rose,
That scarlet stem entwines in her raven hair.
Her enchanting eyes are but a glaze,
Those wells of happiness have all but froze.

Thorns of iron dig into her soft skin;
She screams from the pain of that bloody rose,
With it's intoxication of simplistic sin.
Her haunting presence brings haste,
To a silence of a death nearing close.
A dark romantic poem.
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:icononovika:
Critique by Onovika Jul 26, 2012, 7:30:55 AM
Beautifully written. It has a kind of elegance that suggests hidden thoughts and feelings, allowing the writer to imagine various people. Wonderful use of descriptive language, and the fact that you didn't describe the girl means the reader can imagine her to their liking, allowing them to get a more personal effect. However, at the end, it kind of grew a bit disconnected, in how it sounded, because the last two lines. "Her haunting prescence brings haste, to the silencce of a death nearing close." It might just be me, but these lines seemed to be a little random. The overall theme was one focusing on the rose, but then you brought in death, and it threw off the light on that. Perhaps you could change it, if I come up with any ideas, I'll send you a note. Otherwise, well done.
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
:clap: It's actually quite good, although the style's a little grating.
I like it :) Bravo.
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:iconambushrealityleader:
AmbushRealityLeader Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Beautiful!
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:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Featured By Owner May 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant!
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:iconzeppelinfan7:
zeppelinfan7 Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing! It has lots of depth and meaning. I love it!
Reply
:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner May 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Why thanks. Probably one of my personal faves this.
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:iconzeppelinfan7:
zeppelinfan7 Featured By Owner May 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. It seems you have a deep personal connection to this.
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:iconkellz108:
kellz108 Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome. Just simply awesome. :D
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Lol, why thank you. Yep, it is awesome.
Reply
:iconkellz108:
kellz108 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome :D lol np
Reply
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