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Literature by Ampata


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Submitted on
July 22, 2012
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321
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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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See the forlorn lover locked in his lonely tower,
Gazing with his telescope every night and every hour,
Till under the brightest moon he spots a scarlet flower.
Walking barefoot on grass that glitters like gold,
She strikes his soul with a smile that thaws the cold.

See the forlorn lover locked in his lonely tower,
Dreaming on his mattress every night and every hour,
While along the dullest sands he feels a vermilion power.
Climbing fingertips on stone that sparkles like sapphire,
She haunts his heart with a honesty that sparks the fire.

See the forlorn lover locked in his lonely tower,
Waiting on his bride every night and every hour.
So above the wildest rivers he hears a crimson shower,
Pouring guilt on desire that dazzles like diamond,
She murders his mind with a muse that wakes the bond.
Theme behind this poem is obsession. I wrote this after a couple of days being in a good mood, but recently today it's turned sour...

Anyways here's a new poem.
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:iconanderue:
This is like a breath of fresh air for me. It's been a while since I've seen anyone do a faiytale-style work. So I'm already loving this piece.
It's like a male version of Rapunzel.
Your piece sure did give a mini heart attack at "She strikes his soul with a smile that thaws the cold" I'm a real sucker for romantic stuff like that -_-"

If it's obsession you wanted, obsession you certainly produced. I especially love the use of the gems that he wanted to give her. The repetition in each stanza, alliteration and such also gave a good impact...Simple and effective. Nice!
Overall, good work! It would be awesome if I found more of this type of style in the site. I'll keep looking!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconoilux:
Oilux Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Student Writer
Hello! Your wonderful work has been featured on my Sunday Selects! Happy Holidays!
[link]
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:icona7xfan666:
A7XFan666 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012
Amazing job :D
Reply
:iconkartiksharma:
kartiksharma Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Amazingly done! :D
Good work! ♥

Have a look please: [link]
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:iconthirdim3nsion:
thirdim3nsion Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012
I like the consistency of this piece. The rhyme scheme certainly gives it consistency, but so does some of the imagery like the repetition of different jewels, etc. I also like that while there is consistency that ties the piece together, you vary the second and third lines of each stanza while maintaining the rhyme scheme. My favorite imagery is "She strikes his soul with a smile that thaws the cold" and "haunts his heart." Also, this poem does a nice job of playing with sound (alliteration, assonance, etc). My one critique would be the ending: I'm not sure the last line makes sense to me.

Overall, nice job.
Reply
:iconrebelnijamaster:
rebelnijamaster Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Student Writer
Beautiful piece! I love the images that you use and the idea of him being locked in a tower. For me, it conjured up sort of a feel of the dark ages.
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:iconepicpidgeot:
EpicPidgeot Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Hobbyist
Absolutely fantastic~
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012   Writer
Thanks. Check out my other work if you have the time.
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:iconepicpidgeot:
EpicPidgeot Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Hobbyist
No prob, I'd be happy to~
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:iconnemox7:
NemoX7 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012   Writer
Cool, I'm sure you'll spot a few you'll like.
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:iconepicpidgeot:
EpicPidgeot Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2012  Hobbyist
I definitely saw more than a few that I liked :D~
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