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Let go of your hate,
Your revenge can wait.
Whoever did you wrong,
Can never know the hurt,
That made you strong.

You know it's a part,
Of you're aching heart.
Whoever broke your smile,
Can never understand the pain,
That turned you vile.

Don't give up on love,
Though you'll feel rough.
Whoever killed your hope,
Can never believe the longing,
That more you cope.
I kind of wanted to evoke the view of someone who has been left broken hearted by someone dear to them. Well, that's my general premise in the middle of writing this poem.
I think is really quite good. There is one thing I want to address, and that's that not every line deserves a comma at the end of it. Take for example the second paragraph. If you remove the commas after "part" and "pain" it could help with the fluidity of the piece. I most definitely struggled with putting commas after every single line of my earlier poems, and it sometimes leaves the reader or reciter with a disjointed rhythm. That being said, I really did think that it was a well made piece. Oh, and because I'm slightly OCD, I noticed that you used "you're" when "your" was needed. :P
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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SeeksAnswers Featured By Owner May 6, 2012
It invokes pain, but I love it anyway.
Wandering-Serenity Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I got "Don't let revenge take you and change who you are." Also your form is excellent.
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Submitted on
May 6, 2012
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